he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
