Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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