I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
