My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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