bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
