I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
