tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
high people should be assigned attendants
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
