She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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