i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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