i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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