I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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