i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
