I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
