his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
