There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
