What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
