so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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