No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
