I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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