I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
