you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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