apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
