Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
