My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
