I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
