i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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