You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
