We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
