did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
