It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
