she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
