i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
