The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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