I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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