They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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