Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
