It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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