Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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