Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
