My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
