just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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