Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
