so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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