so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
