So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
