My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
