so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
