Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
