Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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