I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
